Monday, December 24, 2007



Sunday, December 23, 2007

best thing in my life.

Guatemala was absurdly amazing. During a few stages in my trip i had this thought: "My trip can't possibly get better than this." I thought this when i was with ash and todd, then in san andreas. But in my last two weeks i thought it once again. I was in an incredible little village on Lake Atitlan called San Marcos. I stayed in a beautiful 4 bedroom hotel with 6 other people and paid 30Q a night, which is equivalent to $4.50. I found a man that became my roommate. His name is David. He's a city boy from Miami, NYC and currently LA. He's an actor/writer. He was really funny. He was a lot like my dad. He taught me lessons like "Sara, when you leave the door open mosquitoes get in and bite me during the night." I learned so much from him. It was fun to have a roommate. The others in the hotel were Rio & Marcus from Canada, and Oliver from Switzerland and then 2 french girls that were crazy. we feared them. We had a nice kitchen that we took turns cooking dinner for each other. I never got a turn though.
San Marcos had a unique feel to it. It was full of people who were searching for their life path or 'truth'. You could feel the energy of good people looking for happiness and understanding of life. I felt really inspired by these people and by the common goal of many of us. I felt that the thoughts i had been having during my trip prepared me for this place that was full of light. I had experiences that gave me answers to questions I've had since i was 12 years old. I won't go deep into my experience, but i feel now that i know God, and i understand that he has a place in my life.
I recognize science as truth. I don't have any problems with science. I love that science never stops searching for more certainty and understanding within itself. It's not scared to admit mistakes and is continuously testing laws and theories. What a healthy way to live! i really like it. Never claiming truth, and always finding more answers because they are aware that we don't know everything. I reckon that religion could be more open to new truths, and be more encouraging of individuals testing and finding truth for themselves, rather than relying so heavily on the words of our leaders. Within the doctrine of the Mormon church, there is the concept of individuals seeking personal revelation, personal guidance and personal truth. But we forget to trust ourselves! We have forgotten the essence of religion, which i believe is to help people find a personal relationship with the Divine. But many of us (not all of us) have lost this essence in the systematization and clutter of religion. I have. I had to separate myself from the laws and order of religion to finally be in a place where i could find communication with God. I didn't know if it was OK for me to find Divinity alternatively, because it was so different than how i was taught to find God. But i know it was good. And i know God helped me get to that point. I asked this question: " Why now, and why in this way do i finally know God?" And i had the thoughts, 'Look where you are and look at everything you've discovered as truth. You would have had a different life if you had found out that God was there when you asked 15 years ago.' Im glad i am who i am.
I know now that it doesn't matter where or how you find truth, it is everywhere, and every person has a completely different path and a different understanding of truth. Whether it's science, nature, Buddism, Christianity, energy... God is the creator, and everything that is good is of Him. People are seeking him through so many different mediums. Scientist are seeking to understand his creations. Meta Physics is trying to bridge the gap between spirituality and science. (I find this really interesting). Any way. these are some of my thoughts right now. They are subject to change, but i think its important for me to share them anyway. I would love input or argument.
After i had this experience i felt like coming home. I was completely fulfilled and couldn't imagine anything better happening to me. Then i met a boy named Morris. (jeremy scot morris). But he hates jeremy scot. He is a beautiful boy. Everything about him. He was the only single boy i met in 8 weeks . I almost wrote him off because of how great a time I'd had alone. But he started talking to me on the cliffs on Wednesday and we spent the next 80 hours together until i left for Guatemala city on Sunday.
I've never connected with a boy on all the levels. the levels being: emotionally, spiritually, physically, humorly, and intellectually. Those are just my levels. i'm guessing there are documented levels of connection. i just don't know them. But i connected with Morris on these levels. But i think the best part about this boy was that he respected me. It was different. i felt so valued and i didn't feel that the physical part of our relationship was even in the top 3 of the levels of connection. And anyone who knows my history knows that is quite unheard of. We had a strong physical connection, but he never tried to make it sexual. I questioned him about this strange behavour, and he said "i am attracted to you, but i love being with you and not just for the physical part." (or something to that effect). I kept thinking maybe he wasn't real. but he was. i have pictures of him.
I figure this: I met Morris so i could see what a healthy relationship feels like. I don't know that we will ever be together again, although i do hope we might. But i learned something from him that i won't forget. It was so complete. His friendship and the understanding i gained from him was an incredible end to my trip.

and now to China...

Monday, December 3, 2007

"The most beautiful lake it the world"

Im in Lago de Atitlan. Its a huge lake surrounded by 30 volcanoes. the lake is actually a colapsed volcano. its really nice. there are about 15 little cities around the lake, most of which you can only get to by boat. so its calm. no cars or planes. most of the people are miyan. i cant spell that word i guess. So the other night i was sleeping in my dorm and i woke up at 4 am, and i heard a deep rumbling sound coming from the mountains, (which are all volcanos). it would rumble and then stop for 30 seconds and then rumble again. sometimes it would be more frequent than 30 seconds. i spent 20 min trying to figure out what the noise was, then i concluded that it was a volcano preparing for eruption. Which sucks because the only way out of Santa Cruz is by boat or hiking over the mountain. so either way i´m dead. there are no boats till 6:30, and then when everyone wakes up and hears the volcano, theres no way im going to get a seat on a boat. So i decided i should probably write a little bit in my journal so that i would be the famous person who died who wrote an account of the erruption. then i decided i would go wake up my friend Ben who was sleeping in the same dorm as me, and we both laid there in his bed trying to figure it out. i was scared. ben was worried as well, but i decided if i die i might as well die with someone else. it was comforting. so that morning ben said he was going to figure it out, and a few minutes later he came and told me it was avacados falling on tin roofs up in the myian village. He-he. i was glad. i didn´t even feel stupid though, because ben was scared too. what a baby.

Heres a fun story. i was in san andreas, and in the morning i was walking by the same 2 dogs that bark at me every day. This day though, they were especially upset at me. so i picked up a rock and threw it, but they didnt care, which is not that normal, and they continued charging me. so i felt scared and bent down to pick up another rock and as i did so, a third dog ran out of his house and bit my calve. i kinda yelled and the owner of the dog ran out and shewed his stupid dog away. i looked at the bite, and was suprized at how not bad it was. it drew blood, but didn{t go too deep. so i said "rabies? tu´s perro rabinous?" and the man just stared out at the lake. it was weird. and then it was funny. Late that night, me and this other girl who is also a volenteer were walking home from the most absurd beauty pagent i´ve ever seen, (not that ive seen many, but now i understand ash´s non-obsesion with belizian beauty pagents) There were only 4 contestants and it lasted 5 hours. it was so awful. so we turned the corner onto a quiet little road, and I saw this guy pointing a silver gun at the sky. he directly put the gun in his pants and walked up to us. He wispered "denero... denero". my friend said no, and started to walk around him and he grabbed her neck. I freaked out and yelled "get your hands off her!" and he backed off for a sec and put his finger up to his lips to tell me to be quiet. so then he started at her again and i yelled louder and he scurried away like a little puppy. It was weird. So last week i got bit by a dog and mugged at gunpoint the same day. I laughed about it later that night, and when i told my host family they were sad that both those things happened to me, but assured me that the gun was not real. which i kinda figured. But we all had a good laugh about it. Any way.

now i am in this earthy little town full of alternitive medicine-type-people." its a compleate delight. there are yoga and meditation classes all day long every day. today i went to a meta physics class and learned about lucid dreams and other states of altered conshusness. (that was clearly mis-spelled.) It was interesting.
tomorrow im doing a course in emotional blah blah therapy. i cant remember the words. but im excited to see what its all about. so im real happy here. there is a ton to explore. i started a water fast today. and i will try to do it for 3 days if not more. My body is ready for a clense and plus im running out of money. adios

Note: i have no idea which pics i uploaded. im pretty sure there is one of my bite, but it is a week old so its all healed up, and there is one of the lake for sure, but the third is a wild card. i just chose it, so hopefully its nothing to vulgar.

Friday, November 23, 2007

just thinking a bit.

This picture is from my time with Ash and Todd. its in hopkins which is about 6 miles from thier house. this was the fateful night when we put false hope into ride home and ended up - actually, i don´t think any one will really understand how funny and scary it was. so nevermind. (only ash and todd. but mostly ash. todd was happy.)

These are pics of my host sis Ariadna(who is amazingly beautiful) and one of the other volunteers (daphney) and our boss at the park(condilario). Condilario is hilarious. he doesn´t speak any english. i love working with him. he makes us work so dang hard.

its been different to have to think before i speak. Every thing i say i have to slowly walk through it in my brain. i think one of the first lessons my momma taught me (that i remember) is look before you leap. i cant exactly remember the situation, but i know it was something to do with me jumping into the car and lipstick. I guess that saying translates into: think before you do something or say something you might regret. I have never felt like that was a good lesson for me to live by. sorry momma. As i look at my decisions in the past, the ones that have been the most benifical have been made spur of the moment. But thats how my little mind works i guess. i dont have patience to think things through. when i make a pros and cons list i usually write out all the pros and never make it to the cons. Ash probably described my minds workings best with the "action...thought, action...thought" metaphor. Generally i find my mind is happy like that. but when speaking only in spanish, i have had to totally change my action...thought mind to thought...thought...thought...action. it´s hard.

My host mom reminded me yesterday night at 6:30 that it was thanksgiving, (so no, mom i actually thought it was on the 25th for some reason. i confused it with christmas probably.) but i did think of my family and about what i was missing, and i wished i could have been there, but not to the point of sadness:)
i went for a swim yesterday at 4:30 and thought of my dad and how he would be feaking out about the glassy water. Today is the first day that i´ve seen waves on the lake. its glass all day long every day. there are 2 wooden boats that i see fishing a few times a week, but other than that there is nothing going on except kids swiming. its amazing. at first i was praying that someone would have a motorboat that could pull a skiier, but now i know it would change the lake. im so greatful for the calm of the lake and that the biggest fish anyone has ever caught is 10 inches long.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

San Andreas-

Ha. i am in this beautiful town named san andreas. i live 20 paces from the lake- i wake up at 6 30 in the morning regularly. funny huh? today i slept in till 7:15. (i hate when people say that). but i work at 8 in the morning at the ecological park mon-fri. i am staying with this compleatly awesome family. my host mom and dad and thier 3 daughters. 16, 14 and 8 years old. they are rad! they dont speak any english except cool, les-go! and excuse me. its crazy because im learning tons of spansish every second. i know 4 other people that speak english in the whole town. the guy Mataio who runs the volunteer program, and 3 other volunteers. Its so weird to not be able to understand anyone. im learning alot though. I have a spanish teacher named edwin. we have class by the lake every day for 2 hours. i pay him about 3 dollars and hour. Its private lessons so its really easy to catch on. its so fun! i love it here. i never understood how people stay with a family who doesn´t speak english, but somehow it works out. I learned the word for food really quickly. my host mom makes me breakfast lunch and dinner. i pay her 75$ a week for food and my own room with a door that opens to a view of the lake. its crazy. i love it.

hopefully i can get my pics to work. It was funny. the very first person i met here was my taxi driver, and he asked me ¿de donde? i told him estados unidos, utah, and he asked me if i was mormona. I said si, and he said ´mismo´ which means same. he said there are muchos mormonas in san andreas.

um, pictures are uploading right now, but i have no idea which ones they are. i couldn´t open the pictures so i just guessed. i think there will be one of my neiborhood pigs, one or 2 of the lake, the three girls i live with and maybe one of my room. we´ll see. But im really happy here. i feel good. my host mom makes really amaizing food. i haven´t eaten the same thing twice and ive eaten 10 meals already. my host dad fishes 2 times a week, and is also a teacher. but its vacation time for 3 months right now. till jan. so everone is just relaxing all day. its really fun. the streets are really steep and they are made out of rocks, so when it rains its really slippery. its kinda scary, but i get a good workout about 3 times a day walking back and forth from the eco park and the library that i also help with at nights. Any way.

Monday, November 12, 2007

I left Belize. sad but happy

These pictures are of me and ash and todd at the shamaiakdj ruins in belize. (i made that name up) It was a good way to end my time with them. The ruins were beautiful. its cool how much easier it is to imagine ancient people when you are standing in their lands.

I am in Florez right now, i went to Tikal yesterday morning at 3:00 am. It seems not worth it-but it is. We hiked up this long trail in the pitch dark. if there was any moon light it was blocked by the trees. so we were near the back of this group of 30 people, and my friend ben had to go to the bathroom so we got behind the group. It was just us 3 on a dark path in the jungle. i was kinda scared but then this loud growling animal started roaring and my heart kinda stopped for a while. I thought it was a jaguar and that we would die. I remembered my ipod had a bright light so i used it as a flashlight. there was a fork in the trail, and luckly i saw a glimmer from someones flashlight and we caught up after about 5 minutes. it was scary. I was too scared to talk about the roaring animal until we were with the group, and i asked the boys "what the h was that animal", and they said it was the howler monkey. Which i should have known because i´ve heard one before, but in the middle of the jungle i didn´t remember.

The sunrise was crazy. We sat in silence for 40 minutes and watched and listened as the animals and birds started waking up. Turns out we were on one of the biggest temples in tikal, and had a view of 5 other ruins. The ruins are surrounded by thousands of trees, and many of the ruins are still just mounds of earth with grass and trees on them. We had a tour of the main temples and had some time to walk around on our own. I went to some living quarters and to a musium that had pottery and jewelry that they continue to find. they have the skeleton of one of the kings too. It was rad. I think i´ll go again before i head out of this area.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Ash and todd- what a beautiful couple!

I have loved hanging out with these guys so much! Its wierd how you think you love someone so much and then suddenly you love them more. That didn't happen to me, but it probably happens to people sometimes. Kidding. i love ash. she is really strong for being out here and functioning. Ash makes her own tortillas and pizza dough. she kneads the dough like a regular mom. The best food ive eaten as of yet has been in Ash and todds home. They have to depend on each other so much. it makes me so relieved that two people can be in such a healthy relationship. Its giving me good happy feelings about marriage. I've been with ash 24 hours a day since i got here. im not at all exagerating- we have been in a 12-inch-whisper radius for a week. lucky for us we really know each other and love each other.
We went to the zoo! Ash found a pet dog and then its owners came and stole it and then ash stole it back and then they came and took it. Ash cried. it was hard for her.
I have so many bug bites on my legs that people point at me and gasp. i'll take a picture. Its the best feeling when i have been controling my hands so i don't scratch a real bad itch, and then suddenly i realize that the itch is a real, non-bite itch right between two bites. (It happens very rarely, but its fun.) sorry all these pictures are about me. i didn't mean to.

Finally some picts- a am computer literate

Im hopefully uploading some images right now- I do realize that blogs are so dull without something to look at. and i truely apprecitate my three readers Larry, Ashers and Mare. I dedicate this post to you. And mom.

These pictures are of quatemala city and antiqua. What more can make you feel at home than to see a plethera of blue mazda protege's running around the streets of guatemala city. I'm positive that my little guy is in the best shape of them all.

Is that better? I hope so. not so damn borring now is it?

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

halloween with ash and todd!

Here i am in belize with two extreamly dedicated peace corps missionaries. JK. they really aren't that dedicated- but they do their jobs. I love being here. Its a poor little village they live in, but they managed to get the biggest house on the block for 200 belize a month. Ash had talked about how nice it was, and so naturaly i was surprized to actually see what it was. It is a house made of wood planks sitting on cement blocks. I honestly didn't think it was that great until i went with ash to see her old place that she was staying at with her host family. It was insainly teeney and had the worst little girl in it. Then i realized what a haven their new home is. i love it now- its the best house i've seen here, and am so happy to be staying with them there and not at that awful house with that awful little girl in it. (She touches you all over your whole body and wont stop.) ha. Ash and todd are heros for staying there for 2 months. we should give them a trophy.
I am really so glad i get to hang out with them and see what their lifes are like here. its alot different then you imagine it is. But its really good. They make fun of themselves all the time, but if you look at it from an outsiders perspective, they are doing something quite amazing. even if its different from what they thought, and they might not be actually helping anyone, (kidding) they are still learning a lot. its good.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Olah como estas? (Hello how are you)

Im good, today i am going to travel towards where ashli and todd mcflame/murdock live. I havent been able to focus on anything else really. I just keep thinking ¨how many more days till i see ashli?¨ (and todd) I can´t wait! So i´m catching a bus to purrto barrios at noon and will hopefully meet up with them tonight but most likely tomorrow morning. My time in antigua was really good. Franando and i became really good friends- and perhaps i will go to norway and visit him someday. He´s a real great guy, and is helping me so much with my spanish. im at a level -1 right now, so im muy annoying to him.
We had an interesting conversation about my current feelings about men (which are that most men use conversation and friendship as a means to an end) and he suggested that the reason for my travels might be to prove that wrong. He commented that he personally is more interested in conversation, but also thinks about sex (don´t we all) Ha. I liked talking with Franando. He knows alot about the world and politics and people. He´s a lawyer of international law, and is currently focused on the election in guatemala. (I don´t know if saying ´a lawyer of international law´ is redundent but it seems to be). He has a small child of 4 months and is in the early stages of divorce. any way, enough on Franando. Im glad to have befriended him.

One of my favorite things about what im doing is meeting other travelers. Mostly those who are traveling are in the same stage of life: done with school, and have a little bit of money, just enough to get by in a really poor country for a few months. Usually fellow travelers are as confused as i am about what they want out of life. Which gives everyone the oppertunity to talk about relationships and god and love and why we are living. I think generally, people have come to the same sort of conclusion which is something like: I just try to be a good person and live so i feel happy and keep healthy relationships with people i love. And then sometimes they have God as a part of that. But sometimes not. I think people who are seeking truth don´t always feel a need to seek God because God is in truth. I don´t think God would feel jelous that people are trying to understand his creations rather than having a close relationship with Him. God is the same thing as truth. ha. sorry mom if this makes you worry. but its nothing to worry about. its just thinking and writing. Plus i don´t think its too weird of thoughts.

So suddenly im on this really strange sleeping schedual. (sp?) (i have never been on any type of schedual so have never acctually written that word.) But i go to sleep around 10 or 11 and wake up at 6 or 6:30 on my own. its wierd. I don´t know quite what to think of it.

Here´s some pictures!


Tuesday, October 23, 2007


Somehow it cut off the last part of my blog about guat city. so don´t judge me. I already know im so lame for saying that saying, but i fixed it in the rest of my blog that got lost. don´t judge me.

Good old guatemala city

So here the adventure begins!! Im in quatemala city right now in hostel los valcanos. Its a really nice place and i share a room with 6 empty bunkbeds. its weird. its like one of those orphin houses except all the orphins have been killed or sold. But I am the only single female here now. and franando is the only single male, so we decided to make a day of it and walk through guatemala city. it was really awesome.
anyway, franado was the best to go see the city with. if it weren´t for him i would be dead and-or lost. he is chilean and currently lives in norway. hes a lawyer. he´s smart. so it was lucky he wanted to hang out with me. (im dumb)
any ways we went to this museum of archiology and i was looking around at the coolest artifacts from the temples, and i heard the first english words id heard all day. it was this really excited knowaglable man who was talking all about the symbols and meaning of the artifacts. so i secretly tagged along keeping my distance so they wouldn´t suspect me. I felt really lame because there were only 6 people in the museum and it was 10 min to close, so they were running from room to room, therefore they could easily conclude i was following them. turns out they are from atlanta georga and are LDS2.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

For Laurie: (the baby)

One chest

My childhood memories are few, but those that are are intensely imprinted in my synapeses. I'm going to start with my earliest one's. This activity is mostly to try and keep the readers of this blog as bored as i possibly can.
I don't really know which is my first memory, but i would hope that this one isn't:
Im standing on a small chest of drawers similar to the one i currently own. Knobby knobs for handles, drawers that have no tracking system, so occasionally fall out, subsiquently sending that little electric shock through the forhead. Anyway, i have no idea how i got there, and no thoughts of how to get down. I'm alone in my cold, cement-floored basement, chewing a mid-sized hunk of bubble gum. The chest is against the wall and i carefully squat down so my hands are ballacing me and turn toward the wall. There is a chalk drawing of myself hanging, staring at me. It's not weird though. I like the drawing. It was nicely done. As im gazing at myself, I suddenly realize how sore my jaw is and here begins my struggle. Should I find a way down from my perch and end my dull adventure, or liberate my jaw. I choose the latter, and carefully place the gum on the picture frame. I can't actually remember how long i stayed or how i did get down, but I am certain the only reason i have this memory is because my mom saw the gum and yelled at me. Ha. How did she know it was me? i don't know. It's fun that i was young enough to not know it was wrong to put gum on things. Had i only known, i would have put it on the back side of the frame. Then it would still be there, and i wouldn't have got in trouble. But if this was the case, I would not remember this brave adventure of my youth. You see, my memories are mostly me being mischivious, and getting in trouble for being so, and therefore are very few.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Know one knows

I like this alot because i havent told anyone about this blog yet- so i can write what ever the d i want. I acutally don't really want to tell anyone, but i guess that would be lame and kinda just like a journal. plus i feel boring right now any way.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

hi its sara

I think the essence of blogging is letting everyone know your thoughts and actions. I guess its ok, it seems a little fishy though. I don't care about spelling or grammer or punctuation. As long as were all clear on that then i can do this. maybe i'll talk about explanation points first because i hate how happy they look and yet how do you add any excitement to your droning words without that damn symbol. So yes i will occasonally use it!! See how happy i seem, and yet right now im just regular and kinda tired. not happy not sad.
so, Capitalization. i guess its hard because all these years Word has capitalized all the first words and other important words, and now my little fingers cant really reach that shift without a bit of a strain. So sometimes i cap- sometimes not.

i turned 25 last week. i like getting older because i feel like it makes me valid. I am also single and alone. although in the last few weeks 3 different boys have paid atttention to me. i don't know if that is worthy of musing about, but its nice to know that people are occasionally attracted to me physically. once we start getting to know each other, it usually dissapates pretty quick. Its hard to find someone to love.

Im currently trying to figure out why its good to be in love. I don't think ill know unless it happens. I bet you feel insanely happy and full of soul and truth, and a good healthy sexuality. I hear you feel complete inside. So what if i already feel complete? I don't always, but i feel more complete than many of my clients who are in sad unhealthy relationships. Plus i feel much more fulfilled with my girlfriends than i ever have with any boy. but i like boys.

Right now my writings are boring and tired, but in a month i will be out in Guatemala and then people might actually want to read about my actions. give me some time.