Monday, December 24, 2007



Sunday, December 23, 2007

best thing in my life.

Guatemala was absurdly amazing. During a few stages in my trip i had this thought: "My trip can't possibly get better than this." I thought this when i was with ash and todd, then in san andreas. But in my last two weeks i thought it once again. I was in an incredible little village on Lake Atitlan called San Marcos. I stayed in a beautiful 4 bedroom hotel with 6 other people and paid 30Q a night, which is equivalent to $4.50. I found a man that became my roommate. His name is David. He's a city boy from Miami, NYC and currently LA. He's an actor/writer. He was really funny. He was a lot like my dad. He taught me lessons like "Sara, when you leave the door open mosquitoes get in and bite me during the night." I learned so much from him. It was fun to have a roommate. The others in the hotel were Rio & Marcus from Canada, and Oliver from Switzerland and then 2 french girls that were crazy. we feared them. We had a nice kitchen that we took turns cooking dinner for each other. I never got a turn though.
San Marcos had a unique feel to it. It was full of people who were searching for their life path or 'truth'. You could feel the energy of good people looking for happiness and understanding of life. I felt really inspired by these people and by the common goal of many of us. I felt that the thoughts i had been having during my trip prepared me for this place that was full of light. I had experiences that gave me answers to questions I've had since i was 12 years old. I won't go deep into my experience, but i feel now that i know God, and i understand that he has a place in my life.
I recognize science as truth. I don't have any problems with science. I love that science never stops searching for more certainty and understanding within itself. It's not scared to admit mistakes and is continuously testing laws and theories. What a healthy way to live! i really like it. Never claiming truth, and always finding more answers because they are aware that we don't know everything. I reckon that religion could be more open to new truths, and be more encouraging of individuals testing and finding truth for themselves, rather than relying so heavily on the words of our leaders. Within the doctrine of the Mormon church, there is the concept of individuals seeking personal revelation, personal guidance and personal truth. But we forget to trust ourselves! We have forgotten the essence of religion, which i believe is to help people find a personal relationship with the Divine. But many of us (not all of us) have lost this essence in the systematization and clutter of religion. I have. I had to separate myself from the laws and order of religion to finally be in a place where i could find communication with God. I didn't know if it was OK for me to find Divinity alternatively, because it was so different than how i was taught to find God. But i know it was good. And i know God helped me get to that point. I asked this question: " Why now, and why in this way do i finally know God?" And i had the thoughts, 'Look where you are and look at everything you've discovered as truth. You would have had a different life if you had found out that God was there when you asked 15 years ago.' Im glad i am who i am.
I know now that it doesn't matter where or how you find truth, it is everywhere, and every person has a completely different path and a different understanding of truth. Whether it's science, nature, Buddism, Christianity, energy... God is the creator, and everything that is good is of Him. People are seeking him through so many different mediums. Scientist are seeking to understand his creations. Meta Physics is trying to bridge the gap between spirituality and science. (I find this really interesting). Any way. these are some of my thoughts right now. They are subject to change, but i think its important for me to share them anyway. I would love input or argument.
After i had this experience i felt like coming home. I was completely fulfilled and couldn't imagine anything better happening to me. Then i met a boy named Morris. (jeremy scot morris). But he hates jeremy scot. He is a beautiful boy. Everything about him. He was the only single boy i met in 8 weeks . I almost wrote him off because of how great a time I'd had alone. But he started talking to me on the cliffs on Wednesday and we spent the next 80 hours together until i left for Guatemala city on Sunday.
I've never connected with a boy on all the levels. the levels being: emotionally, spiritually, physically, humorly, and intellectually. Those are just my levels. i'm guessing there are documented levels of connection. i just don't know them. But i connected with Morris on these levels. But i think the best part about this boy was that he respected me. It was different. i felt so valued and i didn't feel that the physical part of our relationship was even in the top 3 of the levels of connection. And anyone who knows my history knows that is quite unheard of. We had a strong physical connection, but he never tried to make it sexual. I questioned him about this strange behavour, and he said "i am attracted to you, but i love being with you and not just for the physical part." (or something to that effect). I kept thinking maybe he wasn't real. but he was. i have pictures of him.
I figure this: I met Morris so i could see what a healthy relationship feels like. I don't know that we will ever be together again, although i do hope we might. But i learned something from him that i won't forget. It was so complete. His friendship and the understanding i gained from him was an incredible end to my trip.

and now to China...

Monday, December 3, 2007

"The most beautiful lake it the world"

Im in Lago de Atitlan. Its a huge lake surrounded by 30 volcanoes. the lake is actually a colapsed volcano. its really nice. there are about 15 little cities around the lake, most of which you can only get to by boat. so its calm. no cars or planes. most of the people are miyan. i cant spell that word i guess. So the other night i was sleeping in my dorm and i woke up at 4 am, and i heard a deep rumbling sound coming from the mountains, (which are all volcanos). it would rumble and then stop for 30 seconds and then rumble again. sometimes it would be more frequent than 30 seconds. i spent 20 min trying to figure out what the noise was, then i concluded that it was a volcano preparing for eruption. Which sucks because the only way out of Santa Cruz is by boat or hiking over the mountain. so either way i´m dead. there are no boats till 6:30, and then when everyone wakes up and hears the volcano, theres no way im going to get a seat on a boat. So i decided i should probably write a little bit in my journal so that i would be the famous person who died who wrote an account of the erruption. then i decided i would go wake up my friend Ben who was sleeping in the same dorm as me, and we both laid there in his bed trying to figure it out. i was scared. ben was worried as well, but i decided if i die i might as well die with someone else. it was comforting. so that morning ben said he was going to figure it out, and a few minutes later he came and told me it was avacados falling on tin roofs up in the myian village. He-he. i was glad. i didn´t even feel stupid though, because ben was scared too. what a baby.

Heres a fun story. i was in san andreas, and in the morning i was walking by the same 2 dogs that bark at me every day. This day though, they were especially upset at me. so i picked up a rock and threw it, but they didnt care, which is not that normal, and they continued charging me. so i felt scared and bent down to pick up another rock and as i did so, a third dog ran out of his house and bit my calve. i kinda yelled and the owner of the dog ran out and shewed his stupid dog away. i looked at the bite, and was suprized at how not bad it was. it drew blood, but didn{t go too deep. so i said "rabies? tu´s perro rabinous?" and the man just stared out at the lake. it was weird. and then it was funny. Late that night, me and this other girl who is also a volenteer were walking home from the most absurd beauty pagent i´ve ever seen, (not that ive seen many, but now i understand ash´s non-obsesion with belizian beauty pagents) There were only 4 contestants and it lasted 5 hours. it was so awful. so we turned the corner onto a quiet little road, and I saw this guy pointing a silver gun at the sky. he directly put the gun in his pants and walked up to us. He wispered "denero... denero". my friend said no, and started to walk around him and he grabbed her neck. I freaked out and yelled "get your hands off her!" and he backed off for a sec and put his finger up to his lips to tell me to be quiet. so then he started at her again and i yelled louder and he scurried away like a little puppy. It was weird. So last week i got bit by a dog and mugged at gunpoint the same day. I laughed about it later that night, and when i told my host family they were sad that both those things happened to me, but assured me that the gun was not real. which i kinda figured. But we all had a good laugh about it. Any way.

now i am in this earthy little town full of alternitive medicine-type-people." its a compleate delight. there are yoga and meditation classes all day long every day. today i went to a meta physics class and learned about lucid dreams and other states of altered conshusness. (that was clearly mis-spelled.) It was interesting.
tomorrow im doing a course in emotional blah blah therapy. i cant remember the words. but im excited to see what its all about. so im real happy here. there is a ton to explore. i started a water fast today. and i will try to do it for 3 days if not more. My body is ready for a clense and plus im running out of money. adios

Note: i have no idea which pics i uploaded. im pretty sure there is one of my bite, but it is a week old so its all healed up, and there is one of the lake for sure, but the third is a wild card. i just chose it, so hopefully its nothing to vulgar.