white

i am watching the color leave my skin just a bit more every day. right now it seems to be blending in with the white computer im writing on. its funny, cause i don't feel worthless, and yet when i look at what im actually doing with my life currently, i realize i kinda am. Oops. Im not too worried about it, but the longer i sit here not making decisions the weirder i feel. is weirder a word these days? I've created a work situation that makes me have to make a change. I've let my job slip into non-existance because of traveling. i still have some really, really devout clients, but not enough to fullfill me. Financially or emotionaly.
My hold up on making a decision and change is this supposed oppurtunity to travel free with an organization. The problem is that it's a new organization and it's slow moving. the idea of free travel is enough to keep me waiting.
I talked to Ash yesterday. it was sad because i only had 14 minutes and it beeped to tell me that i only had one minute left and i felt so frantic and i didn't say i love you ash. so i want to say it publicly- I love you ash. there- thats better.
I actually am pretty satisfied with my life right now. i feel good emotionaly and spiritally. although it is so hard to keep spirituality constant. I seem to be in a relationship with a boy. its good. i am learning to comunicate a little better.
Just an update. there will be fun things to write about soon i hope...